


Hurts Like a Whiskey Lullaby

by EliKat



Series: 12 Fics of Angst [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Taeyong/Johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21741151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliKat/pseuds/EliKat
Summary: It's been months after losing the love of his life and Johnny's not taking it well, something's gotta give or else it may be him breaking at the end of it all.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: 12 Fics of Angst [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1567036
Kudos: 27





	Hurts Like a Whiskey Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Hurts like Hell and Whiskey Lullaby for this fic of heartbreak, I cried while writing this. This'll be part of a series that is based on songs that heartbreaking but I love.

_How can I say this without breaking?_   
_How can I say this without taking over?_   
_How can I put it down into words_   
_When it's almost too much for my soul alone?_   
  
_I loved and I loved and I lost you_

_And it hurts like hell_

They tell him it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He calls bullshit on that one if he hadn't loved he wouldn't feel like his heart has been ripped out of his chest, that it hurts to breathe and that sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night, pillow soaked with tears with the name of his lover upon his lips.

If he hadn't loved he wouldn't be struck with a sudden memory while walking down the street and seeing the cafe they used to frequent or the park where they shared their first kiss, remembering the laughter and joy that used to be in his life instead of anger and agony he now feels.

His friends tell him that time will help, that he'll always miss Taeyong but that the pain will lessen and he'll be able to think about the memories without breaking down. He thinks that they don't know what they are talking about, they still have their lovers, their homes are filled with love and warmth while his home sits cold and dark, no longer the warm and lit up house that he used to love coming home to.

Johnny turns to the alcohol a month after losing his love, he knows it's just masking the hurt and sadness residing in him but it helps him forget for a while, it makes him feel warm inside when usually he just feels cold. He likes to drink from the bottle while looking at the picture of Taeyong that sits on a shelf. He is sitting on the couch looking up at Johnny with that Warm, fond smile he always had. 

When the bottle is empty, he stands up shakily and makes his way into the kitchen for another, bumping into walls and knocking things over as he does.

He grabs a bottle from the counter and opens it but doesn't take a drink, instead stares down at it, tears coming to his eyes as he slowly slides down to the ground to lean against the cabinets. He's ashamed of himself and he knew that if Taeyong could see him now he would be ashamed of him too. He remembers the last words his Love spoke to him before he lost him.

"Promise me that you won't break, you can bend but never break. Live for me."

A sob escapes his throat and he drops the bottle to wrap his arms around his knees and drops his head onto them, sobbing uncontrollably as he releases all the pain and sadness he's felt. He hasn't ever let himself cry like this, afraid that if he does that he will shatter and won't be able to put himself back together.

He knows now that by not letting himself grieve properly, he's been slowly breaking apart at the seams, leaning on unhealthy habits to keep himself from remembering the good times with Taeyong and that was unacceptable.

Johnny sits there for hours after he finally stopped crying, looking around the kitchen and remembering when Taeyong would be in there, he had loved cooking and Johnny could always find him in there, either trying out a new recipe or going through the cupboards and pantry, making sure it was well stocked. If Taeyong could see his beloved space he would scream, dirty dishes were piled in the sink and counters, liquor bottles littered the remaining counter space and the floor was filthy. He couldn't believe it had gotten this bad.

He got to his feet and started cleaning up, throwing away the empty and full bottles, rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher before getting the mop out of the storage closet. It would take time but when he saw his Love again he wanted the other man to be proud of him, that even though he lost his other half he still pushed on and lived. He may even find another apartment and start fresh, this one held to many memories...

One year:

They say time heals all wounds and Johnny supposes there is merit to that statement, with time and support from his family and friends he doesn't feel like he's drowning anymore. He still misses Taeyong but he can think of their time together without it hurting as it did before. He found a new apartment and a new job and is thriving, he even has asked out Jaehyun, the cute barista from the coffee shop near his apartment a few times, they have another date next week and he wants to ask him if he would like to be his boyfriend.

He loved and lost and it hurt like hell, but he wouldn't have traded those years with Taeyong for anything.

A figure watches Johnny walk down the street arming arm with Jaehyun and a beaming smile crosses the man's face, he's glad Johnny found someone to love again, he knows he'll see him again someday but for now, they both have different paths. Johnny's is to live and Love and Taeyong's is to wait for him until he crosses to the other side. He also can't wait to meet Jaehyun so he can thank the other man for taking care of Johnny. Taeyong gives the two men one last smile before he slowly shimmers out of sight, startling a little girl that passed by him with her mother.

Johnny looks back, feeling like someone was watching him and before Taeyong disappears completely from view he sees him and he smiles. He had known that Taeyong had still watched over him all this time and now that he didn't need him it was time for him to go.

"Johnny, come on," Jaehyun said tugging on Johnny's arm. "The others are waiting"

"Sorry, Babe," Johnny said and wrapped his arm around the younger man's shoulders and started walking again.

Yeah, he supposed it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.


End file.
